Chappy’s Blog
FRIENDS & NEIGHBORS
During the year 1989, I was running an independent/assisted living rental facility in Beaumont, Texas. Deep in southeastern Texas, Beaumont was recovering from the oil bust that occurred earlier in the eighties. The residents of this old hotel converted into a independent living facility were an eclectic mixture of people from every walk of life. This is a story of my experience at this old hotel. and how my life and the lives of the residents were transformed. It is a story of communication.
The facility residents were elderly people from various backgrounds and experiences. Exhibiting little interest in most things, the residents sole interest seemed to be centered around the facility dinning room. Other observations that I had were that some of the residents viewed me with suspicion and some resentment. I didn’t know just what they were thinking, and to be honest, I didn’t care. I was determined to overcome their suspicions and inhibitions.
Like every rental retirement business, the idea was to fill the vacancies, and to make a profit. To this end, the marketing plan put forth the idea of living in a safe and secure home, with amenities to boot. Meals in the dinning area, or room service, housekeeping, maintenance, weekly activities, and a separate assisted-living area. Most of all, independent living. All sounds good, doesn’t it ! This facility had it all, except that the residents were sad, lacking a sense of who they were, or better said, who they had been. Now they were in a nice home, all their needs taken care of, but lacking one thing. That one thing was to be respected as someone that still had value. I assessed all of this, and I knew that something had to be done for these good people. Everybody deserves to be recognized for who they are, garnering the respect that we all deserve. This inner judgement prompted me to action! I was going to get these people out of rooms and into an atmosphere of belonging to an extended family.
I called a meeting of department heads. I expressed my concerns to them, asked for their input, and together we put forth a plan to address this troubling problem. Elderly people, especially those without a family unit to support them in daily life, deserve a respect that shouts out a thank you for all you have done. The staff had its marching orders, and I had a leadership role in front of me that required more than just making the facility profitable. Breaking through the resident barriers was paramount to me. Their lives required a recognition that would draw them out, giving hope of a better day. A plan was developed to address their daily lives, and more importantly to give them something to look forward to.
The first part of the plan involved remodeling one of the hotel meeting rooms, setting up a small stage, and adding tables for residents and their guests. The usual activities were to take place there, bingo, birthday party’s, etc. The main reason was that we were going to introduce our own version of “This is Your life”. This is Your life was a show presented by Ralph Edwards from 1952-1961. Unsuspecting celebrities were surprised by Ralph Edwards, running through their life with help from friends and family. The facility at the time had many residents that rarely ventured from their rooms, took all meals alone in their room, becoming virtual hermits for whatever reason. I asked the activities director, and the marketing manager to identify these people, and then to pick the first resident to surprise. We also planned for the certificate that would be presented, the refreshments, and the day and time of the month that we would surprise the guest. Based on the personal information on the resident file, we would also contact family and friends to obtain more information on the guest, as well as inviting them to the event. Residents would be notified of the doing, and so we were all set. The first surprise guest was a man in his eighties, Coy.
In the same month, in the early afternoon, we brought in Coy and surprised him with a room full of residents, staff, family, and friends. Turns out Coy had been the chief dancer with the New York City Ballet, as well as theater work for over 30 years. He had been living at the facility for many years, his background completely unknown. Coy caught unawares by all this attention, was more than just delighted in all that was happening, he seemed transformed to another place, another time. The audience reaction was involved and positive. The success of this function increased our marketing move-ins, and also provided the facility residents with something to look forward to. “Hope for a better day”, a time of friends.
Apart from the recognition function, I took it upon myself to reach into the heads and hearts of the residents by interacting with them, and taking an interest in their daily lives. I’ll use as an example a elderly lady that sat near the hotels elevator banks. This particular lady was the essential key in turning the retirement facility into a real home. Sensing that she sat in her sulky solitude near the elevators because she was lonely, I decided to take it slow with her. I lived at the facility, and rode the elevators daily. This fact gave me many opportunities to meet up with (Lady X privacy). Each time that I walked near her, I greeted her warmly, but these words were always met with silence. I persisted with this practice, until one morning after my usual hello, I was met with, “good morning” ! This hello developed into conversation, which evolved into a friendship that further opened the closed doors of the recluse residents, and more importantly created an atmosphere of acceptance all over the hotel. The outreach was achieved through staff cooperation, and by recruiting residents that were like-minded. A community of valued people was realized, that is, a community of “neighbors”.
Now, the rest of the story. There is more to the the lady’s story than the aforementioned comments about her. Lady X did not care for minorities, especially Hispanics and Blacks. Indications also pointed to her upbringing and life experiences as factors that helped drive her opinions about people. I knew of her predisposition, but I didn’t care. There is a great responsibility in running a retirement community. Foremost is the safety and security of the residents. Livability follows and includes the amenities that make a facility a desirable place in which to live in. I made sure that the staff understood the loneliness that accompanies the elderly in retirement, and especially in a place like a retirement community. That is why Lady X was so important to me. If I could reach her, I knew that the rest would follow. Well, I’m here to tell you, we reached them! The dinning rooms filled, the activities were well attended, and more importantly, residents developed friendships amongst themselves. Friends and neighbors if you will.
Note: The day I left the facility for other parts, I sat next to Lady X at her usual elevator bench. She reached out and hugged me, and said to me, “Marty, all of us love you. we’re going to miss you”. Know what, I felt the same way about all of them, and I loved Lady X even more so. Lady X didn’t deserve to be judged based on her views of others, she had to be loved because of her views. You know what, being given a chance changed Lady X, and it gifted me with a beautiful friend.
WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH CANCEL CULTURE, EVERYTHING !